Ethereal
by audi katia
Summary: .:.It's every sin.:.
1. Vanity

Chapter One: Vanity

**The mouth of the Just shall meditate wisdom**

**And his tongue shall speak judgment.**

_Their mother was buried with a picture in her hands. In that picture, there were two little children. Her little birds._

_Robin had a red breast with his shirt and blue blue eyes. Black hair soft as feathers. Sharp angles. Curved up nose that looked like a perch for other birds._

_Raven wore black with sharp black eyes. Had the same hair. Same sharp angles. Same perching nose. She was three and her brother was ten._

_Her little birds, she used to call them._

_That picture was five years old when they buried her. She never wanted a new picture._

Years passed since the funeral. The children from that picture were long gone.

Robin doesn't wear red anymore. And he spikes his hair. No one's said his hair's soft like feathers since she left them.

Raven dyes hers purple. Not enough to catch attention. But when the light reflects off the black hair, it's purple. Hints are all she needs.

She leaves little hints everywhere she goes. She leaves hints to the teachers that she's dedicated. That she cares.

But she doesn't. School just takes her from point A to point B.

She leaves little hints to her remaining "family" to leave her alone.

Do you really think they listen?

She leaves little hints of color in her paintings. Little hints of form and meaning. But then she blinks and it's gone. All that's left is a dark, murky mess. She can't make anything out of it.

But that's enough for her.

Raven thinks she's better then everyone. She holds herself in wonderful regard.

Likes to leave the little hints. Likes to let the world think they know her.

* * *

Okay. I know this was a little strange. And not at all like the show. There's a reason for that. It's an AU. An Alternate Universe. It's a fan fic. I can choose to write what I want.

Since I get to write what I want, you also have the liberty to read what you want. If you don't want to read a story about all the different sins that you could possible commit, then don't read this. Don't write a review saying that I'm writing something that you deem unworthy to read. Because that might just be your opinion. Don't ruin it for someone else who's opinion may be very different.


	2. Envy

Chapter 2: Envy

**Blessed is the man who endureth temptation**

It's gotten too cold outside for most people. They stay indoors, waiting for their rides to pick them up.

Raven, however, never thinks that way.

She leans against the tree as though it were her only support. Dark eyes narrow at the morons in the courtyard.

Apparently, Victor and Garfield had invented a game of "Stankball."

Raven half wished they would hit her with it, just to have the excuse to lash out on them.

She wanted them to be as miserable as she was, if just for a second.

She couldn't bear to see someone, especially two people, having a better time than her. Especially with something as idiotic.

Raven was spared having to witness much more of the agony and fun. Robin had pulled up.

Wordlessly, she entered the car and sensed a change in her brother. Her acute mind was already devising as escape route for when they returned home.

As though he knew what she was thinking, he pulled a hand from the steering wheel and placed it tightly on her thigh, keeping her close.

Bolting from the car at the house, Raven hid in the closet of her bathroom.

There was little chance of him even reaching her past the mess she surrounded her room with.

"Raven, come here."

Robin tries to coax her out.

She'll never let him know, but she's scared to death.

His failed attempts to get her out of her bathroom lead him away.

Dinnertime comes and the affair seems to be forgotten.

Raven almost feels at ease until he bores his eyes into her. Sends shivers up and down. Slows down time. Locking her to him.

And, oh God, there was something about the lust in his eyes that made everything seem as thought it was good as it could get.

If he wasn't her brother, if he wasn't so demented, if she wasn't so brittle, she would give in.

* * *

Well, sorry about the wait. This is eight chapters long and I have all but one written now. So the next ones will fly to you readers, I promise.

Anyway, thanks to 26WhiteRaven, NSRforevermore, and LuckyThirteen for the reviews.

Once again, this is a controversial story. If it offends you don't read it, but don't take away from someone who does enjoy it.


	3. Greed

Chapter 3: Greed

**For once he hath been proven, he shall receive the crown of life**

_When Robin and Raven were little birds, Slade used to tell them stories. Scared them into obedience._

_When Robin was older, he was taken with Slade._

_They spent a lot of time alone._

_Raven never thought it was typical father son moments, but Robin never told._

_He must have been told the same stories as Raven._

_The stories were all about a demon named Trigon. So far from ordinary fairy tales._

_Trigon was embedded in her mind as a child. She always grew to fear the red eyes in her nightmares._

_Robin had his issues to work out as well. Raven saw that when his eyes changed color._

"_Your eyes used to be blue."_

_Robin's egg blue, in fact. His namesake._

"_What's your point?"_

"_They're now black."_

"_Welcome to the world of colored contacts."_

_Raven knew that was how Robin could escape the family. They both resented their bird names and traits._

_Raven always thought Robin was so brave for overcoming his child fear of Slade._

_Of their father._

_Raven never could._

_Trigon lived on in her mind. He watched her every move. He was always to implanted there from Slade._

_She felt he could repeat her life events back to Slade._

_Maybe that's why Raven tried to conquer emotions. Live life without consequences._

_Nothing could be judged._

She watches for any sign of what more she could have.

Raven has the world dangling at her fingertips. They have to know that.

She holds so much information over them. They never know who she is. How she feels.

Raven just feels so innocent sometimes though. She has her sex still with her.

She wants to rid herself of it.

Doesn't have to be to anyone she really cares about. She can't wait that long.

She thinks it's better to give it up fast to anyone, then to have it stolen from her.

"Hey there, Rae."

He comes out of nowhere. Says that stupid nickname. Has that cocky look.

He's her brother's best friend. He's ten years older then her.

It would be statutory rape.

She grins a rare grin.

"What's wrong? I don't think I ever saw you smile before."

He's perfect.

* * *

Told you I'd update sooner. If you guys have any questions, just ask and I'll be more than willing to answer because parts of this can be really confusing.

Thanks to Rosebleed for the lovely review.

Hope you all enjoyed this. More to come soon. Probably by Sunday.


	4. Lust

**Chapter 4: Lust**

**Lord, fountain of holiness**

_The spider sets her trap._

_Fifteen minutes pass._

_Their lips touch._

_The spider catches her prey._

_Fifteen minutes pass._

_"You know, I'm on birth control."_

_Such an easy lie to say._

_The spider goes for the kill._

He lifts his body off of her.

"How about code names?"

"Why?"

"To add to the adventure. We can call each other by the names we pick so no one can know about us. Our little world."

"Okay."

He can't tell if she wants to or not. But he does.

"I'll be… X."

"X?"

"Shorter than Xavier. I'm the X factor in your life now. Your variable. X. It's different."

"Fine. Then call me Rachel."

He doesn't question, they resume their forbidden practice, calling out their new names in the moments now.

With each thrust and moan, she lets herself go as much as she can.

But she can't get rid of that nagging feeling of whether or not she wants him to know.

Why Rachel?

He wanted X because it's different. She wanted Rachel because it wasn't.

* * *

A new hobby. A new name. A new life. She still wants more.

Delivered by Sunday, as promised!

Thanks to Zarola and Glensather.

Glensather, lust went in a different direction that you thought, huh? lol As for Raven losing her virginity as being greed rather than keeping it, that's more of perception. Greed was not as best shown in the last chapter, I don't think, as some of the other sins are presented. She was watching Victor and Garfield (Cyborg and Beast Boy) have something she didn't. They had fun and, most importantly to Raven, a way to communicate with each other. That is, essentially, what everyone wants, especially Raven.

She reaches out to what she thinks will be the thing to fill the hole in her life. Also, giving up her sex to someone else would mean that she has power over her brother. If he ever rapes her or if she succumbs to Robin, then he would take something away from her. She'd rather be the one to determine who gets it. Her virginity is not so much of a treasure as it is a means of barter. Even giving it away to her brother's best friend makes it more of slap to the face to Robin.

Hope that clears some things up. Anyway, next chapter will be out soon, maybe by Wednesday. Hope you guys have happy holidays!


	5. Avarice

**Chapter 5: Avarice**

**Lord, Fire Divine, have mercy**

Raven was happy when he came to get her. As happy as Raven ever gets. Jinx noticed the change in her friend.

"Why the short face?"

Raven gives her companion a look. Jinx almost trips. It's almost bad luck.

"Long face when you're sad. Short face when you're happy."

"I don't have a short face. It's just a face."

"Alright then."

Car pulls up. Xavier is behind the wheel, sunglasses cover his eyes.

Covers his lust, Raven alone knows.

"You have your brother's best friend pick you up from school? How lucky is that?"

Of course Jinx wouldn't know anything about that. But Raven doesn't say that. No time.

"Good bye, Jinx."

A farewell on so many levels.

She's too close to figuring out. Raven has to leave her. There are too many secrets that need to be kept.

Gets in the car, leaves Jinx and a little of herself behind her.

Drives to graveyard, no one goes there.

His hands are so sure on her body. And she was going to miss this?

Moan.

All the movements seem calculated. They have grown to know the bodies that fill the car and each other.

"X."

That's all she has to say. They both know they have left the world as Xavier and Raven.

"Rachel, I lo—"

She cuts him off.

"Don't say that."

"But—"

"Don't you ever say that! EVER!"

The scream scares him. She pulls her clothes back on and glares until he does the same.

They are back to Xavier and Raven. Maybe it would be better off that way.

Was it really worth it?

Raven wonders.

* * *

NOTE: I always thought that Jynx and Raven would be good friends if circumstances would allow them to be. Just my opinion though. Does anyone else think that?

Really sorry this didn't get to you sooner! I got more caught up in the holidays than I thought I would. Anyway, I promise to get the next chapter up much faster!

NSRForevermore and Zarola, glad to hear that you guys like it and that it's starting to make more sense.

Glensather, wrath wasn't next. Sorry. And I would be considered a clever girl. Haha Thanks for the applause, I can never get enough. j/k I look forward to your thoughts on this chapter.

Since I was late with the posting of this chapter, I will give you a hint for the next one: 

_"__You know, it's a sin to kill a mockingbird."_


	6. Wrath

Chapter 6: Wrath

**O how sacred, how serene, how benevolent**

That incessant singing. She can't stand it. Get up from her unmade bed and walks through the filth to the window. Opens it, grabs a stone from the ground, flings it outside.

It doesn't hit the bird. It scares it away. Same effect.

"Why'd you try to kill it?"

Why? Can she put the enmity she feels for the bird to words? Her family's namesake?

Her brother presses on.

"You know, it's a sin to kill a mockingbird."

"Well, this wasn't a mockingbird. Just a songbird. And why can't you kill a mockingbird? All it does is mock."

Who could argue that logic?

* * *

Yeah… I know it's short. The next one is long though and so is the one after that.

Rosebleed and Zarola, you guys rock. And yes, I did have lovely holidays, thanks. :)

Glensather, yeah, you are right this time. She's starting to have second thoughts because things are getting too serious for her. Xavier (who is my equivalent to Red X lol) is not staying within the boundaries of the world she has created to escape. That makes things too real for her. Not only would him say that he love her make her feel guilty, but it also brings all the horrible things in her past come rushing back to her as she is reminded that she is not Rachel, but Raven. It's a slap in the face for her.


	7. Sloth

Chapter 7: Sloth

**How lovely, is this virgin who believeth!**

**O how holy, how serene, how benevolent**

Sunlight attempts to stream in through the window but grime stops it. Raven doesn't mind. Sunlight bothers her.

She focuses on a stream that has landed on her floor. Highlights her clothes strewn everywhere. Soda can. Tissues that wiped off make up.

No food wrappers though. Raven can't remember the last time she ate, but she's not all that hungry.

She's not in the mood to do anything. _(X made her tired.)_

Picks at the ripped cuticles of her nails.

Watches the dust gather on her paints.

Hears a faint buzzing sound faraway, but in her own ear.

She's not in the mood to do anything.

Half lying on her unmade bed, she drifts off. She figures, there's nothing better to do.

Hours later, Robin is at the door.

Once she hears their father downstairs, she knows it's just an escape.

With a finger to her lips, Raven hides him in her closet. Much like when she had to hide from him. She smirks at the irony. _(X would never understand.)_

Slade enters the room with no moment to spare.

"Where's Robin, my dear?"

She's a dead pan.

"Now, now, don't tell me he has you keeping his secrets now?"

She's a dead pan.

"You don't do much, do you? Just sit there and wait. What are you waiting for, Raven? …If you see your brother, tell him that he needs another… lesson."

She's a dead pan.

She's a dead pan?

The door shuts, but she doesn't know it. Slade is out of the house and Robin is out of her closet. Raven looks in the mirror. _(What does X see?)_

Would it kill to take a shower?

She picks up some of the mess and makes her bed.

She wonders what made her this hateful.

What made her hate herself?

Robin was at the door again, this time with a sandwich in his hands. A peace offering. A thank you.

She accepts it. He makes sure she eats it. Took years of practice, but he might get the big brother role after all.

Awkwardly pats her head and leaves. _(X never patted her head.)_

Food in her stomach, a bed freshly made, she might be ready for that shower now.

_She wonders what made her this hateful._

_What made her hate herself?_

Tears run faster than the water drips down.

It must be the fault of the world. Not her own.

She'll show them all. _(She'll show X.)_

* * *

Sorry this came out late. Midterms are a bitch and so are research papers. Sorry, but I had to dedicate my life to that for the past few weeks. Anyway, this was the second to last chapter. This wasn't one of my favorites, but it was very difficult to write. I think that I was able to send out the message well. Let's see if you guys can get it.

Zarola: Yes! That was what I was aiming for! Score points for getting it. Lol

Glensather: Raven is very twisted. But everyone is. I mean, no matter how shallow a person is, there are so many dimensions to each person. Layers on layers and they aren't always known ever. I just chose to portray a more twisted than usual character that is, as you say, dark and maligned. She doesn't have to twist to represent each sin in its entirety because there is no such thing as an entirety to a sin. It is subjective to the person. How can you define the absolutes of lust or wrath or vanity? There is no definition. Everyone person can fill a sin, but not no one does it identical to another. Raven represents everyone in their extremities.

Her wrath then could be considered wrath. And I don't feel as though she hates her namesake because her mother is gone. But maybe because that's what her mother always referred to her as. Her mother left her with a man who scared and scarred both herself and the brother she once adored. Her mother always paired her up with her brother who, after being scarred and suggestively molested by their father, attempted the same on her. That pairing made her feel as though she were like her brother, almost like a monster she did not want to become. If her name were not Raven, then she would not have the same issues that she has. But since it is, then she cannot look on a bird without the hatred and contempt for all that it stands for.

A part of Raven wants to be known. But she wants to pick the part that people know. She never wants the inside to be seen and that part is the one that invites the pain. Either way, I am glad that you are psycho-analyzing her. This gives me so much more to talk about. I love being able to explain the characters and have a real debate about this. And I'm glad that it helps you to enjoy the fic as well. So I hope you enjoyed this chapter, too.


	8. Purity

Chapter 8: Purity

**How lovely, O lily of purity.**

She adds more green to the stalk. There. It looks sturdier now. Like it can hold something. She leaves it to dry.

The shower is warm on her back as she scrubs herself with her new scented toiletries. Cleansing takes over.

Euphoria has been obtained.

Leaves the bathroom and wraps up in a clean towel. Opens the door.

He's there in her room.

Maiden blushes grace her visage.

"It's nothing I haven't seen before."

He says it so arrogantly. The blush deepens.

He relents and turns around. She gets her clothes, returns to the still steamy bathroom, changes.

She returns to his gaze. He doesn't recognize her anymore. Their weeks apart have been so long.

"I came to see Robin. Is he out with Kori now?"

Nod. That dirty secret is over. He's moved on. She has started to heal.

"What's this you've been working on?"

He gestures to the painting.

"Lilium."

Waits for her to continue.

"From the Bible.

_The mouth of the Just shall meditate wisdom_

_And his tongue shall speak judgment_

_Blessed is the man who endureth temptation_

_For once he hath been proven, he shall receive the crown of life_

_Lord, fountain of holiness_

_Lord, Fire Divine, have mercy_

_O how sacred, how serene, how benevolent_

_How lovely, is this virgin who believeth!_

_O how holy, how serene, how benevolent_

_How lovely, O lily of purity._

From Psalms 37:30._"_

She recites so well, but he doesn't understand. She knew he wouldn't.

"Oh."

The moment is tense and he at least knows that.

"I still love you, Rachel."

"I told you not to say that. And it's Raven now."

"Raven."

He runs the word through his mouth. It's not new, but it sounds new.

It's foreign. It's from the past. It's gone.

He also knows it's over. Look at her face, you can tell.

"Xavier."

She pulls him into a hug. He looks at the painting of the lilies and the lilies that fill her now clean room. He understands.

She smells like lilies.

* * *

IT'S OVER. This is the first multi-chaptered story that I have ever finished. I'm really proud of this. But please don't ask me to write any more for this story. I want to leave this as it is. No sequels or anything. Anyway, if you review, I'll most likely respond with a personal e-mail since I don't have another chapter to put it in. Well, I hope you guys liked this. I worked hard on it and I'm glad that it had such a positive turn out. Hopefully anything I write in the future will be just as good.

Zarola- As you wondered in your review, things did get better. A lot of times, you don't really ask yourself these questions. You don't know what's going on to you, most of the time. It usually takes someone else to say something to you first to make you wonder. It's hard to examine your own life so that's why I think people get in as much trouble as they do. They see all the details and hear all the sounds and just see everything. It's hard to get the whole picture that way. So your comment about Raven rolling with the punches, I agree with that.

AegisX- Thanks!

Glensather- Your thousand apologies accepted. lol As for my angle of sloth, I know it's a little stretched. But I wanted this to only be 8 chapters: 7 chapters for the sins and then the last chapter for redemption. I had to show the progression to the redemption that would seem believable. Thus the stretch.

And why was she lazy in the beginning? Because she had nothing in her life to do. She stopped her friendships, she stopped having to hide from her brother, she wasn't having sex right then… She had nothing. All she could do was wait for her next rendezvous with Xavier and she's not the type of girl who would do that. By letting him, someone that she thinks of as less than her, have that sort of an effect on her, that's when she realized that she hates what she's become. So it could be seen as a joint effort in making her hate herself.

I'm glad that you think my story is deep. I wanted to write something that was Mary Sue for this site. When I started becoming a fan of this site, there were many good stories. Now, I can't bear to read most of them. I mean, does anyone know what spell check is? Or a comma? Or an original idea? I'm sorry, but I want what I write to be something worthwhile. And as for the dark, that goes along with being original. Most "dark" stories now involve random suicide, random death, and hospital scenes with bland situations and outcomes. I didn't want my poor little story to get lost in the masses, so I had to take a different route.


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